Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
