you didnt know i had herpes?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
