Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
