I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
