there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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