She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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