oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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