Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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