quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
