I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
