Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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