Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
