i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
