I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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