You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
