omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
