Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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