am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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