if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
