He asked me if I "almost moaned"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
