her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So vagazzling was a success
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
