This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
