half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
