you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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