It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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