"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
