Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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