she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
