I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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