I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
