Well apparently he's into motor boating.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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