this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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