I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize