There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
