I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
