Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
