i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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