Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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