Its about making memories worth repressing
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
