why didn't you poke me back
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
