Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
