In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
