true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
