so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
