U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
