Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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