apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this will be a night to untag.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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