Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
