i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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