After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
