I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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