i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
