Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
