i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
