Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
