i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
