This is not my ceiling
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
