I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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