Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
