I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
