I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
