I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
