she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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