you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
