your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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